When Stress Gets In The Way

Our life has never been the same ever since technology has greatly improved over the years. Indeed, it has unloaded us of so much work from our daily lives, yet we still seem to come home each night so much tired than ever. So, what could be stressing us?

Studies have found that stress is a cause of various diseases. So, sometimes, you just get surprised having a heart condition,  asthma, depression, or diabetes even if none of your relatives ever had it. It is likely caused by the stress that we deal with every single day. What are these stresses and how can we avoid them? Or can we avoid them at all?

From the time we open our eyes in the morning, we may already feel tired simply because of not having enough sleep. But, being a parent, most especially mothers, we need to wake up at least at 5:00 am so we can prepare the food of our children before they head to school. Stress in the morning adds up when we failed to prepare the uniform that the children will be using for the day. So, what we tend to do is to be in a panic because we may be short of time, we kept on shouting hoping that the children would just jump off from their beds and be instantly boomeranged into the dining table. And that all happens in just the first hour of your day.

As soon as the children have left, what we would be facing next is washing the dishes, pots/pans, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, etc…. and the list of chores just goes on. That is just a one-morning scenario for mothers.

Scenario 2: A working mom hurries to the shower and dresses up in just less than 20 minutes and speeds her way out of the house to beat the traffic. Have you seen the traffic in EDSA as early as 5:30am? It is unbelievable how many people are already on their way to work. And that would be the daily breakfast of commuters and motorists. Is there any hope at all? We hope that improving the transportation system and in modernizing the usual public transport could help ease the busy, and almost unpassable EDSA.

Scenario 3: As soon as an office worker arrives at the office, he/she would be speeding up towards the Bundy clock to make sure that he/she gets in time. Otherwise, it has consequences, of course. Walking up to the desk, mounds of paper works are waiting to be read, signed or sorted out. Add to that the thundering voice of the boss who would insist on having an emergency meeting in 5 minutes. So, it’s either the agenda for the day was something horrific that has happened to the office, or the boss just wants to ask any input from each and every employee. Getting stressed reading the different scenarios? Stress doesn’t end there…..

As soon as 5pm hits the clock, most employees would be hurrying up to get to the train station to make sure that they can hop on the next available train. The long line may seem endless and squeezing into a tight bunch is inevitable. This is when you say a little prayer hoping that the train gets you home safely in time to prepare dinner for the family. While commuters suffer from this ordeal every single day, motorists below are not so eager ramming through the rush-hour traffic themselves.

But wait, there’s more….as soon as you get home, trying to figure out how you can cook the still frozen meat from the freezer, you inch your way towards the sofa hoping to have a breather even for just a few minutes… but then, you are confronted with a letter coming from the school of your child saying that your child’s grades are declining. Mothers may have different reactions to this: 1. She panics and calls out her child; 2. She cries and blames herself for not giving too much time for her child; 3. She calmly sits and goes through her mind about how her child can understand the situation.

https://childhoodtraumarecovery.com/all-articles/factors-put-childs-mental-health-risk/

Addressing Children’s Mental Health

Among all the stresses that mothers may be feeling day in and day out, one very hurtful situation and knowing that your child may feel at lost and yet you are unaware of it. Children’s mental health is very important because they are very vulnerable. They need the guidance of their parents in every decision that needs to be made. There are situations which may cause stress to children that can affect their grades in school, behavior towards others and to themselves.

1.     New school, new friends, new environment. – There are children who may not be open to transferring to a new school because they think that they can never fit in with the new environment, hence, they fear that they would not be happy and that other students would just make fun of them and not accept them.

2.     Divorce or separation of parents. It is probably one of the very hurtful situations which any child will endure knowing that his/her parents will no longer be staying in one roof. Oftentimes, they feel that they are to blame for this to happen, in which parents must explain that, although they no longer live in one house, their love for the children will never change.

3.     New member of the family. I have anticipated from my firstborn that he would feel some form of jealousy as soon as his brother was born since they are almost 5 years apart. Thus, when I was preparing my things for the hospital when I was going to give birth, I made sure that I also included my eldest son’s things with me so that if he wants to stay in the hospital, I will allow him. Good thing, though, when my mom talked to him and asked him to come home with her, he obliged. But, it was not the end of it. For the next 5 or 7 years, my eldest son was being bossy towards his younger brother. At least, now they are all grown up, and they no longer have that friction between them.

4.     Peer pressure. We all need friends. However, sometimes, we fail to choose the right people to be friends with. Thus, some children tend to become rebellious because their hatred is being ignited more by their friends. And when friends encourage bad behavior, catastrophe is sure to follow.

5.     Violence at home/abuse. There are children who have witnessed being abused in their homes, either physically or emotionally. This is very traumatic and this carries out on their behavior until they grow old. That is why, it is best that children are brought up in a positive environment where they are feel loved and valued because, without it, they would feel lost, alone, and would never know how to build and/or trust in a relationship.

6.     Substance abuse. It is unfortunate that some parents are not the role models which they need to be. For various reasons, a parent may have issues with substance abuse which reflects on how they treat the people in the family. Consequently, when children are exposed to such, they would think that substance use is acceptable and may mimic the act. When you realize that your child has substance abuse, be ready to talk to him/her. Ask what is causing her substance abuse and be sure to address the problem well. You may need the help of the professional.

7.     Death. Death is the reality of life. Even in some adults, it is difficult to accept the death of a loved one. But as parents, we need to let our children understand that we all go through a certain phase in life wherein we need to come back to our Creator. And with this, we should tell our children to live a life that is God-centered, have the heart to help others and become good role models especially to the less fortunate. Let your child feel what he/she feels. Give your child a reassuring hand that everything will be alright. The grieving process may take a while, but just hold on.

8.     Difficulty in school work. Lessons in school have become difficult. And some children do suffer most especially if their parents do not have the time to help them with their homework or projects. Again, as parents, we need to help our children as much as we can. They need our support. If for example, you don’t know how to help your child, you can always seek help from others.

9.     Meeting new people. Does your child stay inside his/her room when there are visitors at home? Or do they prefer to be alone when you go out with your friends? Let you children realize the beauty of the world around us by meeting new people. It is alright to have new friends because it allows us to gain new knowledge.

10.  Bullied in school or via social media. This is one huge problem among the youth today. Social media has become a poison to children. Although technology has its advantages at a certain point, some children use social media to harm others such as body shaming or just letting others feel inadequate. There are children who take every word thrown at them as is, and instead of talking it out to an adult, they keep it to themselves. The child is likely to develop some degree of depression which may lead to suicide.

Parents are likely to focus on their own stresses and fail to recognize that their children may also be undergoing a certain level of anxiety or depression because of the various stress mentioned. This is why weekends should be special days wherein families get to have quality time together. I know that some parents may feel that they do not know how to start a conversation with their children particularly when children have become a bit stubborn. But as parents, we should remain calm and compassionate. Let your children realize your love for them and that they should be comfortable in telling you anything and everything. Reassure them that no matter what happens, you remain to love them unconditionally.